random

I haven't blogged in ages so everything is gonna be a lil disorganized, I got inspired to blog again after reading Zs blog, so here I go.

My eldest brother just got enganged. yipee. stress is lift off me n ariff's shoulders.haha (evil laugh). The only reason why I wanted to get married was so that I could give my parents grandchildren ( parents got married late, I forsee my future .. Farlina I'm not asking for it, tak doa pun, doa nak cepat ...but what to do , guess something better is arranged, or maybe I just don;t deserve it).

The related issue used to bother me alot, people my age are married with children or minimal least they have a boyfriend they know they want to get married to or at least have a plan of what they're looking for in a partner, me ? I have zero ideas. I used to know , I used to have hope, I used to say I love you, it meant something special that was not said to every body, it had value, everything changed, I forgot .

I forgot everything and I didn't stop at all, I was just in play mode all the while, no one could put me on pause mode for me to think/feel till now, I felt it the most yesterday when my brother got enganged n when I bumped into my cousins,nephews, years passed by without any goals .. jobwise ?just lucky ..relationship wise just plain STUPID n I rushed into it, I learnt from my biggest mistake.

Those who say theres a silver lining to every cloud should be sodomized, they only say that cause they never felt the pain you did and they never put in as much effort that you did.as in the songs that abba played in mama mia, let me quote "winner takes it all". I regret for being silly n stupid and I so wish that I had been wiser but its never too late to learn from mistakes.

I had a very good piece of advice from a friend the other day, "don't focus so much on minor things like this when you could be using ur energy n effort for smthg else, so true", for once I agreed. I agree that god made each man to be partnered up with a woman, but what happens if you don't find your partner? life still goes on. 

My friends and the people I meet nowadays are really making me happy and content enough, I couldn't ask for more and I don't dare too either as the time I spent alone was actually good for me, cause I did find a hero, that will never change, =) ...myself...hihihiih, that song Mariah Carey "hero", There are always pro n cons to every situation and I believe that everything will be how it should be in the end.

My mom is really happy for Anuar (my eldest, she told me shes imagining grandchildren dy, and can't wait for my turn, I hope I won't let her down, but its not in my hands , sigh).and I want to end up wit someone I want to spend the rest of my life with, not because I'm forced to be wed b4 I get wrinkles.

Most silly thing I'm gonna expose, I forgot how it is to like someone or vice versa, so I really appreciate it Zaf , shooing away my fears, I was in PD ... doing a part time job, and being alone as usual I had trouble sleeping and I was kind of lonely so zaf ... thanks for kind of chatting with me ... it really helped me sleep, relaxing ya =), so one of our topics that I wana share.

How do you know you like that person:

You act like you're in trouble even if you're not, just to find an excuse to talk to them

You smile/ eyes start to sparkel when you get a text from them/call or hear their voice

When you accidently touch their hands , got current ...

OOH MY GOD, am I really writing these things down?, I know I sound so retarded , being 25 and not knowing what the signs are, ahhh well just sharing this issue for retards such as myself. enjoy yes?